Lenny had never been one to shy away from a challenge. So when he saw the weather forecast that morning—“Wind chill advisory: Dangerous conditions. Stay indoors if possible.”—he saw nothing but opportunity. He pulled out his phone and posted a quick video to his friends:

"Alright, folks, it’s -30°F outside, and I’m going to survive it with nothing but my wits and a little bit of creativity. This is the Dangerously Cold Wind Chill Challenge!"

The first step was obvious: bundle up. But Lenny, being Lenny, decided that regular winter gear was for amateurs. He donned four pairs of socks—three on one foot, because why not? He wrapped his body in every single blanket in his apartment, looking like a very frazzled, very overstuffed burrito. But that wasn’t nearly enough.

He grabbed a space heater and placed it next to him, cranking it up to its highest setting. The room immediately began to feel like a tropical island compared to the subzero world outside. But then, a thought struck him.

What if the wind chill is coming for me inside too?

Lenny immediately opened all the windows. “Gotta get that chill exposure!” he said, waving his arms dramatically as icy gusts flew in. His skin began to turn a concerning shade of red, but that was fine. “Just a part of the challenge!”

Next, he figured he needed to reflect the cold back out of the apartment. He rooted through his closet, finding an old shiny foil emergency blanket. He draped it over the windows like a makeshift curtain. “Reflect the chill!” he shouted, eyes wild.

A few minutes later, his breath started to come out in little clouds, and his nose was numb. But Lenny wasn’t stopping now. No way.

He grabbed his trusty hairdryer, aimed it at his face, and blasted warm air at top speed. “The heat’s gotta come from somewhere, right? My body’s already doing all the work!” he declared, holding it triumphantly in the air like a weapon.

The wind picked up outside, howling like a wolf, and Lenny felt a twinge of doubt. But then, in a moment of inspiration, he grabbed every extra coat he owned. He put on two parkas, then strapped himself into a wetsuit for good measure. He wrapped it all in duct tape to ensure that nothing escaped. He was now essentially a human sausage.

“I’m invincible!” he yelled, his words coming out in little puffs of air. He began doing squats to keep his blood moving, but by now, his entire body felt like it was made of frozen rubber. He fell backward, unable to get up, like a turtle who’d lost its will to fight.

Finally, Lenny’s phone buzzed with a notification: “You have one new comment: ‘Buddy, just go inside.’”

He managed to raise one eyebrow—barely.

“No way I’m quitting!” Lenny said, eyes narrowing. "This is the ultimate test!"

But then the power went out. The space heater shut off, the lights flickered, and the only sound left was the distant wail of the wind. Lenny shivered, now fully embracing the absurdity of the situation.

“Alright, alright, fine,” he mumbled, rolling himself toward the door. “I’ll go inside… but only after I finish this challenge. A true survivor never quits.”

The only problem was, by the time he reached the door, he had become too rigid to bend his body enough to turn the doorknob.

And so, as the cold wind raged outside, Lenny stayed right there, stuck between triumph and an uncomfortably cold reality, knowing that maybe—just maybe—next time, he'd opt for a blanket and some hot chocolate instead.