Vladimir Putin sat in his office, staring at the gleaming button on his desk labeled "Trump." It was like a red panic button but with the potential for world-changing diplomacy. He adjusted his collar, then pressed it. After a few seconds, the phone buzzed.

"Mr. President, it's Trump," came the voice on the other end. Putin adjusted his tone to sound sincere, as if the world weren't at stake.

"Donald! I’m ready to talk. Energy prices, Ukraine, world peace, you name it."

There was a dramatic pause on the line. Then Trump’s voice cracked through, "Hold on, Vlad, I gotta take a bite of my McDonald's. I'm listening, though."

Putin exhaled through his nose, trying to maintain his composure.

"Let’s meet. We can do this in, say, Moscow or somewhere neutral like Helsinki. Whatever works," Putin offered.

Trump grunted. "Helsinki's fine, but have you considered Kyiv?"

Putin froze. "Kyiv? No, no, no... That’s... That’s where the conflict is. Not neutral. Why would we go there?"

"Well," Trump said, chewing, "it’s neutral if you ask me. I mean, who says no to a little travel while solving world problems, right?"

Putin let out a breath. "I think Kyiv might have some reservations, Donald."

"Oh, they’re fine with it. I spoke to Zelensky last night. I mean, I didn’t speak to him personally—he was on a call with Macron—but same thing. He says they’d love a chat, but only if they’re invited."

Putin blinked. "Wait, they said they’re okay with talks?"

"Well... no, not exactly," Trump replied. "Kyiv says no talks without Ukraine, Europe... and possibly a few snacks."

Putin rubbed his temples. "So, no talk without Kyiv’s approval?"

"Exactly," Trump said proudly. "It's democracy at work!"

Putin sighed, realizing this could be a longer process than anticipated. "Alright, we’ll try it your way. Let’s get the snacks sorted out first."

And so, what began as a simple diplomatic move to ease tensions between Russia and the United States turned into a diplomatic conundrum. Kyiv wanted assurances, Europe needed to be involved, and Trump, well, he was just there for the snacks.

Sometimes, world leaders, like the rest of us, were just looking for the right appetizer.