i lost my mother.
i lost my friends.
i lost everything.
i miss the time when life was like a party.
but all these seem to belong to millions of years ago.
"you never really speak." she said as she sat next to me.
i still don't want to speak. i don't even like the ability of speaking. i don't belong to here. and no one wants me.
"to be honest, i.. i often feel like i got nothing interesting to say."
"being honest is always interesting." she said with a smile.
i really want to make her happy. all i want is her happiness. but all i have to do is control my desire to kill her.
"the difference between me and you is that everyone is happy that you exist. but everyone is happy because i don't exist!"
"how can you speak so confidently? you don't know how others feel."
"but i know.. they said if 'he' had a son, it's better to kill him with a lots of pain."
she didn't care, really. "i think.. 'he' would be a great father, if he could see you and raise you."
"if he had raised me, i would be here to kill you right now."
she looked at me with all the trust in the world in her eyes. "aren't you here for this?"
i frowned and looked away. "i would never.. ever hurt you."
"i know it." she said simply.
"then why are you-" i cut my self and take a deep breath. "i don't belong any of these."
she nodded. "i know. sometimes you don't deserve anything but the love that comes from the bottom of my heart."
i can live a thousand lifetime. and then, still never deserve a girl like her.
and as time goes by, the silence between us gets louder and louder.
"i wanna live forever." she breaks the silence like always.
"you're still so young to know about forever."
"at least.. i wanna live a thousand years."
"i don't wanna live a thousand years. if i just live through today, that'll be enough."
"you're so depressed, azriel."
"there's only one thing that make want to stay. this is my desire to see aky fulfill his dream."
"if it's only one thing, then ask zayn. he knows about future."
"but aky hates to know about the future. he wants to discuss everything himself." i raised my eyebrow. "but.. i want to hear about mine."
"i can't see the future the say zayn does. the only thing i know is that.. you have to suffer. but you're gonna be happy about it."